Time keeps on slipping...

Last night after I posted my very first blog I decided to watch The girl who kicked the hornets nest.. great film by the way all of them are, I just couldn't fall asleep.  My mind will not stop clicking and turning and analyzing and well thinking... I have so much on my mind so many things to do and I can't even start sorting through any of it until the end of the month.  We are moving out of our cool hip Candler Park lofts into a house not to far from here but not here and I do love it here, but we had to compromise location for value and for 1,100 a month it was a pretty great deal for the space.  I am a bit nervous moving in with the boyfriend, its been over two years since I've lived with a man I was intimate with.  It's been me and Madison for so long now that I am afraid of how the dynamics are going to change.  As it is when weekends come along I feel so stretched between trying to spend time with Johnny(the bf) since we only see each other on weekends and quality time with Madison since she is at school all day and I work nights. Its been difficult giving them each the time they deserve with me, and I am hoping that will get easier as we settle into our new home.  I am also worried things will change in my relationship, up until now we haven't had any serious fights or a fight at all things have been so perfect, I am afraid it will get ruined by the stress of living with each other, fighting over bills, cleaning, household stuff, and Madison.  Madison has always been my responsibility and even with my ex fiance I always felt it was us and him not all of us as a group.  I guess I feel like she's not anyone else's responsibility but my own and I don't want to bog Johnny down with Madison stuff since she isn't his daughter, how I wish she was.  He is so amazing with her, and I can see it in her eyes how much she just wants to hug him and call him daddy, she longs to be like everyone else and have someone to call dad.  I don't know when and if that day will happen for the two of them, but I do hope for it.  I have great hope for the family I am creating with the two of them, its the most important thing I have going for me right now.  I guess I am just more afraid of losing it than anything else,  that if I give myself this one happiness that some how the universe will want to take it all away from me.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far, well not that far away...

Their was a girl named Michelle who needed someone to talk to and thus her blogspot was born.  With its birth it brought new hopes for her future, a way to ventilate all that she felt needed to be said whether anyone was listening or not (less feelings hurt).  A place where she could vocalize her everyday thoughts and opinions without looking odd talking to herself while driving to work.  A form of therapy to help her push passed the mental road blocks she has set for herself without the paying over exaggerated prices to listen to someone else tell her what she already knows...  Michelle has a fear of reality and is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and by wasting all that time waiting for something that may not happen she is not appreciating the wonderful things that are happening right now.